The Game I Shouldn’t Play

All this time…..I am always confused of all the things that were happening in my life since the day I had learn how to value and how to love someone……confused on all the things that were wandering on my mind…things that I shouldn't be involved in…Puzzled on why all these stupid things keep on surrounding my whole being…Sometimes, I had asked myself or blame myself for being so unlucky nor unfortunate about my relationships with my parents ,friends, families, God and most especially about a guy that I have been longing to seek for love but never in his whole life love me nor care for the feelings I had felt towards him..


<>time….memories that I thought would last long and wouldn’t fade away now and forever……

The day that I met this guy was the day that I thought my prayers were answered.. The day that I thought that my “prince charming” would come and save me from the darkness that keeps on haunting my life, soul and even my whole being….The day that I thought someone would make or mend my broken heart to be in the right place…But then again…I was just pretending…I’m just assuming for all those things….But the again, I was just the one who was wishing and hoping and thinking of all those imaginations…

It is just so hard to accept the fact that all those wishes and dreams that I thought would be happening is actually wouldn’t come true no matter I tried my very best to make it into reality. It was so hard to accept that the guy that I had ever dreamed of and I had learned to love never and would never love me but only sees me as a “NOBODY”….Yes!!!! a nobody……

I tried to move on and let go of all the feelings I’ve felt for him coz I know that in the end,,, I would end up as the one being left alone and as the one who will feel all the hurts and pains just for loving him…. But every time I see him….it makes me wonder and makes me fall even more to him and gives me more hope that someday we would end up together…..But the again……I know it was only on my own…coz it’s too impossible…

Now I cannot say that I’m already over him….I cannot say that I’m already learn to let go with him…Now, I always keep on blaming myself why I chooses this kind of game… a game in which I’m always the ones who turn to be a LOSER and always be a LOSER…. I thought that this game I choose was just an easy game or ordinary game just like scrabble, chess and any other board games… But later on,,, I realized that this game that I had chosen was not just that easy….It is like a soccer game, in which you must do your best to goal the ball, in which you must defend, strike and learn how to accept that fact that you lose in that game… Because in the soccer game, there is just one and only winner just like in the game of Love……..One must feel lucky and happy while the other one must feel pain, sorrows and as the one who would just have to let go…… Just like me…. And now…I know that this is the game I should not have to play……….

Homily of L-O-V-E,,,,,,

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure.. But when you find new love, you view the past as a teacher.... In the game of love, it does not matter who won or lose.. What is important is you know when you hold on and when to let go!!!! You know you really love someone when you want him or her happy, even i his or her happiness means you are not part of it.... Everything happens for the best, if the person you love does not love you in return, do not be afraid to love someone else again for you will never know unless you give it a day to try.... You never love a person unless you risk for love... Love strives in hurting, if you do not get hurt, you do not learn to love....

There are the memories that had linger on your mind as time passes by... You begin to believe on what others said that love is lovelier the second time around...We would desperately believe that what happens in the movies might also happen to us one day....

We tend to think that the person who left us will come back one day and say those words, just simple words but would promise forever.. promise may occur from now and then, but we would consider those things as trials to be conquered in order for the relationship to bloom and mature...


Love does not hurt all the time...Though the hurting is still there to test you... To help you grow.......

More often than not, these romantic movies and mushy love songs only make us long for something we cannot have....It hurts to admit that we were just pretending....

All the while, we already knew the truth but we ignore it.. When the damage is done, there is nothing left to do but cry....to mourn for the bitterness in our hearts... Then coursed anybody who gets in the way...

I'm scared...

As long as we still hold on to the past, the chances of meeting someone new maybe a bit far off the field....The fear of trusting and falling in love again may also hinder us to grow and move on...It can happen to anyone but we should not just take things as it comes....An action must be done.. We should take care of ourselves from the hungry wolves in the jungle......


The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go..... We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.....

It is okey to cry as hard as long as you want to, just make sure that when you stop crying, you won't cry for the same reason anymore..
Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you will experience the fullness of humanity and it's love.....Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart... only love can make you cry and only one who knows why... If you are not ready to take the risk, if you are not ready to feel the pain, then you are not ready to fall in love....be smart enough to give the love in your heart to the one who really deserves it......

The Pain of LOving you

How can you mend your broken heart???How can you stop the pain caused by the person that never in your whole life you have learn to love and value....???How can you skip these kind of pain????How can you move on????

Yeah...yeah...yeah....I know that I get too sentimental right now..But honestly....It is really hard to move on and just forgot all those things that you think were memorable experiences...It is so hard to move on especially that the guy that you loved for so long or that the one that your heart beats does not love you in return or does not know that you exist!!!!!

Why didI know all of these???it is because I,myself also experience to love a person that does not think that I am just right here.....I mean that I love a person who doesn't know that I exist...He only see me as a ghost....Yeah...just a ghost.....every time I saw him..I always wished that someday he would look back at me

Wanna know why is it hard to let go????it is just simple..It is because there is what we call "HOPE" left inside our hearts that someday he or she would come back to us...Hope that someday,he or she would realize that he or she are wrong for leaving us or for having decisions to left us.....Hope that someday he or she would love us again and hope that someday he or she can be mine for the eternity......But again...As what I said before......It is too impossible for it to happen...Coz we know that the person that we love so much could not be mine...and would never be mine no matter how we tried our best to let him or her to stay and be with our side now and forever.....

Yeah....it is really so hard to move on and just let go of all the things that you used to cry,defend or sometimes remember the days that you thought could be the sign that he or she also love you in return......It is so hard to forgot all the,,,let us say the "memorable" experiences you had when you saw him or experiences that for you....is something special....but the truth is....it does not have that kind of special thingy.....

well...though it is that hard to move on...but what can we do????do you have to let go of all the things and love you offer to him or her....or just let yourself buried with pains,sorrows and heart breaks just seeing the guy that you love for so long,,,,happy with the other girl that his heart beats!!!!!!!!!!!!!well,maybe you have that choice....Because loving you.....is so painful!!!!!!

The Best Treasure in my Life.....

well...if I ask you what is the most treasured thing you have now in your whole life and would never ever come back even if you tried your very best to let it stay???well i know what would you tell me or answer to my question....Some of you would say that the most treasured thing in your life is your cellphone..Others would say their most expensive gadgets.....but what if I will ask you WHO is the most treasured person you have in your whole life that when he or she would soon fade away..you will lose yourself...or go crazy for eternity...or now and forever....

it is so hard to choose who will be that person coz I know that all of us have valued so many people...People too rare to find and people that are one of a kind......Well,,if you ask me!!!!I would say that one of the most treasured person that i ever had was my friend name Kristine!!!!!!Yes...Kristine Gay Ardiente...my classmate,,my best friend and also my sister!!!!!

I now that right now you have already been confused why I treasured her so much.That why I chose her as the most traseured things in my life that GOD has given to me....Just what I said before...she is one of a kind person or let us say a rare
person to be found....WANNa know why????Because she really makes me realized how to value my life and how to make my life worth living".....sHE accepted the true "emilyn".....She make me realized that I should learn to love myself...She makes me happy when I am in blue and in sorrows...he make me feel that someone cares for me ...She offers her hand to me though almost everyone has turned their backs on me...She cares a lot for me and treat me like her own sister. She does not turn her back to me...

so the day that she fade away makes me realized how dumb I am to let her go away...Well...I do not mean that she is gone just like a dead person... What I mean is that she is gone or fade away as my friend.......That is why, now I realized why I let her go away... The chance of having the best bud in my whole life...The chance of having that kind of friend.......

I know that I caused a lot of pain to


Now...all I can so is just reminisce all the wrongdoings that I had done...Coz I missed the chance of having that kind of friend...I passed the chance for having that kind of FRIENDSHIP.....But I know that it is not to late to change..It is not to late for everything.....

Well,,maybe it is a time for me to chance and correct all the wrongdoings i've done to her......because she is a delicate thing that should be handled with care...And the day that I met her..was the day that I have become the LUCKIEST PERSON ever here on the whole wide universe....

The ReaL M.E....

On November 27,1992...there was this beautiful,smiling and a chinky-eyed fairy that was born by the two beautiful couples....They were none other than Verna Bella Homecillo and her husband Marcial Homecillo.....They were so happy when their love had resulted into a tinker bell look-alike.....They named their little fairy........."Marie Emilyn Homecillo".......

well!!!who could be expect that the little fairy is me!!!!!!yes.......Me...marie emilyn........the daughter of the two lovely couples.......Well...I know that all of you knew me already,....But there are some things that you still do not knew......Let us say...Just simple informations about me....Informations that could make your view on me into a different ones.......

My classmates and also my close friends usually describe me as a smiling, cheerful, and also a happy-go-lucky girl who always makes every people happy when they are in blue.....Describe me as a person that do not know how to feel loneliness and sadness...A girl that do not have problems....A girl that do not know how to cry and how to feel pain......well...maybe....they still do not know me that exactly...coz the descriptions that they used to say to me were the opposite things and attitudes I have inside......maybe they still do not know me at all....or maybe they still do not know the real me..........

The real me is not a happy person...The real me is not a kind of person who does
not know how to cry and most especially how to feel pain....The real me is not that kind of a person who does not have problems in life..The real me is found behind the mask......The real me is hidden behind that mask.......The mask of happiness........

I am a kind of a person who feels also pains and heart breaks....A person who does not want other people to know the sadness I feel..I am a kind of a person who wants to prove to the other people that I am happy in my life....Prove that I am a contented girl.....Prove that I am strong enough to face the challenges that life had given to me.......Prove that this is me...........A happy person.....But deep inside this mask,is full of tears...Full of sadness... full of sorrows.....Full of loneliness..And most of all...Full of disappointments in life.......

Behind this mask...Is a girl longing to have happiness in life....Seeking for love and true people that really would help her in times of needs....Behind this mask is a girl whom people used to say the joker but the truth is...I am not....Sometimes I tend to think why I am born this world....Why I was chosen by GOD
to live in this world.......sometimes I blame God why does He gave me this kind of life.......Life that is so unfair.......Life who no one cares or love me in return....But in the end..I realized that God had nothing to do with this.....Maybe this is all I can be......Maybe this is the kind of life that I should belong........Though it would really so hard to accept the fact that I am a person that just keep on pretending to be happy.......Maybe this is really me........

But what will I do??????Maybe I should accept this...accept the real me!!!